It was on January 31, 2010 at 6:15am that I just couldn’t wait any longer to test. I barely slept that night. I woke my hubby up early to test. Two lines, two lines, we were pregnant! We began screaming in excitement. I was crying and we immediately began calling our families. We had just gone off the birth control pill in December. After recently celebrating our second wedding anniversary, we decided it was time to add to our family. We had two puppies, but were missing something – a precious baby to complete our family. Rather than waiting for 2 or 3 more cycles after going off the pill as recommended, we immediately began using an ovulation kit for pregnancy. As early as I could test, I did. Now we were pregnant! When I was close to five weeks I called the doctor’s office to make my first appointment around 8 weeks. It was scheduled for February 18th. We were on ‘cloud 9’. I couldn’t wait to see our sweet baby and also hear that heartbeat. We began picking our names, shopping, and coming up with nursery ideas. On Saturday afternoon, February 13th our world came crashing to an end. It was a typical Saturday. When I was getting in the shower before going shopping for baby things with my husband, I noticed spotting. I immediately called my doctor on call. They said it was normal to spot some, but if it persisted, then call on Monday and they would check me then. I fretted all weekend long. Valentine's came and went and so did the bleeding. I called first thing Monday morning. They open at 7:30 a.m. and I was calling at 7:25am. They were able to schedule my for an 8:40am appointment. My husband and I got ready and loaded up the car. I prayed the whole way there that God’s will be done. At the office when I heard, “Jodi Crismond, you may come back,” my heart stopped. I went back for the ultra sound. While holding the hand of my husband, we discovered that my uterus was empty. There was no baby! I began crying and my husband just held me. They seemed to think that since I got pregnant so soon after going off the pill, that the medication was still in my system. This caused the miscarriage. I continued to go to the doctor for three days afterwards to make sure my HCG levels returned to normal. When they hit 0, I felt empty and heartbroken. We would never know that sweet baby that we created. I wondered what I did wrong. What could I have done differently? Was I going to be able to ever get pregnant again? The very next month (after not trying at all) I was two weeks late. I decided to test just to make sure. Sure enough, WE WERE PREGNANT AGAIN!! I was petrified and my nerves took over the excitement. I decided to stand on faith. I would not let the devil win this one. Nine months later on December 11, 2010 our precious baby girl was born. I know she was and will always be protected by her special guardian angel, her sibling. We take comfort in knowing that while we didn’t get to raise our sweet guardian angel, one day we will meet him or her again in Heaven. Until then, that sweet baby is in the BEST arms that it could be, our Savior’s.
May the Lord bless you! May you feel His arms around you at this time!
Jodi Jodi Crismond:
My story: “Finally Our Family of Three"
Everyday is another chance for something new and great in your life!!!! :)
We are wonderfully and beautifully made and NOT built to break.
It is amazing when we see the strength and grace that comes after the devastating and painful loss of a child.
There are friends and maybe even family members that have stories that resembles the stories of many of the members of Miscarriage Matters. These same people have found their voice and strength through various avenues that has moved them through the pain and trials of losing a child.
A dear friend of mine has taken the love for the baby that she lost and poured it on her new baby girl. Her determination and hope of having a healthy child outweighed the fear she had of losing yet another child during the pregnancy. It was her strength and hope to have a child that made her the strong, loving mother that she is today.
Sometime finding strength comes with moving forward. For me and others, this has been the biggest part of our healing. To realize the hope of one day moving beyond the pain and getting the opportunity to bring yet another life into the world. We have so much to share with those that are looking to do the same. We can use the opportunity to coach and counsel others that need that extra help in taking those first few steps forward.
I would like to take a moment to ask, "How do you grieve?"
Everyone has a different process, I think that by everyone sharing their grieving process we could help each other in the grieving process!
Here is my story:
When we found out that we had miscarried, around 7 weeks we were heartbroken! I cried, I wondered why God would take my precious miracle from us, I became upset when I saw a pregnant woman or babies, I began to worry if I could carry a child...so much ran through my head! I took 2 days off from work, where everyone was so understanding and just cried! My husband took off work with me and held me for 2 days while I cried. We thought he was a boy and named him Wesley Brayden Crismond, we were going to call him "Brayden" After my husband and I went back to work, it was painful having to relive my story all over again. I had a co-worker that told everyone prior to my returning to work so that helped make it easier but the nights were the hardest for me! I drove to my parent's house one night at 10:30pm just to lay in bed with my mom, have her hold me and play with my hair while I cried, telling me it was all going to be ok!
2 years later, I still think about him! I would like to think that he is our 14 month old daughter's guardian angel and we can't wait to meet our sweet boy again, one day in Heaven!
Please, feel free to share how you grieve? You never know who you can help/touch along this heartbreaking journey!
The Miscarriage was not the result of something you did or did not do, even if the pregnancy was a surprise to you at first!
Naming the baby gives him or her human dignity. You may even name him or her at 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks, 34 weeks, whether you know gender or not you will have your intuition!
Disregard thoughtless comments from people who say, "You can have another baby" You do not have to explain yourself or talk about your miscarriage if you don't want to!
Confide your feelings in a trusted friend or family member, spouse, etc. is so important in the healing process.
Remember the baby's father is grieving, too! Take this time to be drawn closer together as a couple!
Plant a tree or hold dear a toy or keepsake as a way to remember your lost child.
and lastly, always remember!
Your baby is gone. No one can change this fact. Nothing can bring that precious baby back to you.
This is the heartbreak of miscarriage. You were looking forward to being that child's parent. You were storing up love, hugs and kisses, planning on making memories together, becoming a family... until one day that all came crashing down. Before you even had a chance to hold your precious miracle, she slipped beyond your graps. Now, all your expectations and hopes for the future are dashed and you're left feeling empty!
This is a critical time for you. There are phone calls to make, post of facebook to update, work to contact, medical needs to address. It seems as though the world keeps spinning but your world has stopped!
Take a moment, a moment to yourself! Then take a moment with your husband, as he is grieving too! You can even take a moment with your mom (It sure helped me!) The world will wait, family will understand, Facebook will be there next week and work will understand (we pray!). Take time to grieve, take time to mourn the loss of that precious baby, you need it!
Just remember, in this time of grief and pain, you have lost a baby but please find comfort in knowing that you will meet him or her one day again, in Heaven.
*please note: This is the view of the Author, Jodi Crismond, in no way shape or form does this reflect views of the site.
There is hope in every bad circumstance, we just have to look for it.
Grief is a part of life, it is not unhealthy to feel guilty and a feeling of failure after a
miscarriage. The first step to healing is accepting that it has happened and
regaining the strength to carry on and turn your trial into triumph. I had a
miscarriage as a teenager, no I was not ready to raise what would have been my
2nd child but the pain was just as intense as it would have been if I were an
adult. I was confused and felt guilty for not knowing that I was pregnant, but
felt more ashamed that it was my 2nd child. I was ashamed to say that I felt sad
that I lost the baby because some, even in my family, said it was for the best. I
thought they would say I was stupid for feeling the way I did when in their
reality I did not need a baby period. It took me a while to realize that my
feelings, just as yours, are relevant. Don't be afriad to feel-It is your
begining down your road to recovery.